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When to Drop 的 (de): Close Possession

For close relationships (family, partners, close friends) and institutions (school, work), Chinese drops the possessive 的: it's 我妈, not 我的妈. Keeping 的 sounds oddly distant.

Why this trips learners up

One of the first things you learn is that possession in Chinese uses 的 (de): 我的书 (my book), 你的手机 (your phone). So it feels logical to say 我的妈妈 for “my mom”. Grammatically it isn't broken — but to a native ear it sounds oddly formal, as if you're putting distance between yourself and your own mother.

The fix is counter-intuitive: with close relationships (family, partners, close friends) and institutions you belong to (your school, your company), Chinese drops the 的. It's 我妈, 我女朋友, 我们学校 — just Pronoun + Noun. The closer the bond, the more a 的 feels like a wall. Keep 的 for everything else (我的书, 我的钱).

The structure

Colour key

Each colour marks one grammatical role — and the same colour means the same role on every page in the Lab.

Subject Verb Object Negation Adverb Function word Adjective Question

Examples in context

Real-world sentences, easiest first. Toggle pinyin or the translation, tap any word to see its role, or play the audio.

Tap a word to see its grammatical role.

wǒ bà 我爸 Subject shì Verb lǎoshī 老师 Object

My dad is a teacher.

nǐ mèimei 你妹妹 Subject zhēn Adverb kě’ài 可爱 Adjective

Your little sister is really cute.

wǒmen gōngsī 我们公司 Subject Negation Adjective

Our company isn't big.

wǒ gē 我哥 Subject hěn Adverb huì Function word zuòfàn 做饭 Verb

My big brother is a great cook.

nǐmen lǎoshī 你们老师 Subject yángé 严格 Adjective ma Question

Is your teacher strict?

wǒ biǎodì 我表弟 Subject zài Adverb xué Verb kāichē 开车 Object

My cousin is learning to drive.

Common mistakes

Avoid: 这是我的妈妈。 zhè shì wǒ de māma.
Say this: 这是我妈妈。 zhè shì wǒ māma.

Why it happens: With your own family, 的 reads as distance. 我的妈妈 isn't ungrammatical, but it lands like “my mother, the person who…”. Natives just say 我妈妈 — or 我妈.

Avoid: 我们的学校很大。 wǒmen de xuéxiào hěn dà.
Say this: 我们学校很大。 wǒmen xuéxiào hěn dà.

Why it happens: Institutions you belong to behave the same way. Your school, your company — these are close ties, so the 的 drops: 我们学校, not 我们的学校.

Avoid: 这是我书。 zhè shì wǒ shū.
Say this: 这是我的书。 zhè shì wǒ de shū.

Why it happens: Don't over-correct. The 的-drop is only for close relationships and institutions. An ordinary object — a book, a phone, money — keeps 的: 我的书, never 我书.

Compare & contrast

Drop 的 (close ties & institutions)Keep 的 (everything else)The difference
我姐wǒ jiě我的手机wǒ de shǒujīFamily is a close bond, so 的 disappears (我姐). A phone is just an object — it keeps 的 (我的手机).
我们公司wǒmen gōngsī我的钱wǒ de qiánAn institution you're part of drops 的 (我们公司). Money is an ordinary possession — keep 的 (我的钱).
Rule of thumbDrop 的 when the bond is close and personal (家人, 朋友, 男/女朋友) or institutional (学校, 公司). Keep it for everything else — objects, acquaintances. The closer the tie, the more 的 sounds like distance.

Try it yourself

Say “Your little brother is smart” — tap the words into the right order.

Related patterns

Quick reference card
Merry Mandarin When to Drop 的 (de): Close Possession grammar.merrymandarin.com

A pocket summary — print it and keep it by your desk.

Structure
我 + 妈
Example
我爸是老师
My dad is a teacher.
Watch out
✗ 这是我的妈妈。  →  ✓ 这是我妈妈。